I caught on to this contradiction; I’ve been feeling Everything and Nothing. And I also want Everything, but I want Nothing.
I’ve been feeling too much,
(Love, anger, confusion, happiness, fear, joy, worry, grief, relief, compassion.)
and wanting too much,
(I have all the dreams I want to achieve–to graduate, find the perfect job that I enjoy, live my life to the fullest, do my hobbies, fall in love, and experience the peace I’ve been searching for. I also have a full list of all the new places I want to go, the people I want to meet, and the love I want to give.)
It kind of bothers me that I used to know Everything. I used to know exactly the next steps I wanted to take. But now, I know Nothing. I don’t know anything anymore.
Is it even possible for a person to be confused about Everything? So confused to the point that I was going through a phase–I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I had all those thoughts in my head until, one day, I realized that people change as they grow. It is possible for a person to be confused about themselves and what they want.
Let’s take a look at the bigger view.
As you grow older, you need to take everything into consideration.
When you want to do something, there are so many aspects you need to consider first.
Is it possible for me to do this?
It will cost a lot, can I afford it?
I need to put in a lot of time and effort to get there; is it really worth it?
Is it even beneficial for me?
Do I really want this? Or is it just what I think others want me to be?
And many other questions that I can hardly answer.
Another thing that I realized is that we don’t have to wait for our life to start; we don’t have to wait until we’re at our best to enjoy things. Every day, we’re changing and growing. Every day is part of The Journey.
We will figure it out along the way. Everything will come to its own place, one by one, piece by piece. It is going to take a lot of work and effort. The uncertainty will slowly fade away, and eventually, life will be so much better.